"You're Fine": Why You're Really Getting Gaslit about Your Infertility

I really loathe using this trendy term, but because I feel it's super important to not only share and write a blog post about it; gaslighting is something that occurs quite frequently in the space of infertility. I was fortunate to not have to experience it on my journey, but I have had little bouts of it pop up since entering perimenopause, and multiple clients have shared their experiences with me.

Sometimes dismissing a client or patient is not intentional, but its effects can be very damaging. There are multiple theories as to why it occurs. Everything from conventional medicine being very rushed and the doctor does not have ample time to actually listen to the patient, to an overzealous or a "difficult", hypochondriacal patient, to a lack of knowledge or expertise around their symptoms. Whatever the case may be, I'm here to tell you it happens, why you should not accept it, and how you can deal with it should you feel you've been a victim of gaslighting.

What IS Gaslighting? ~ "It's All in Your Head"

Medical gaslighting can be described as behavior in which a physician, medical professional, or specialist dismisses or downplays a patient’s physical symptoms or attributes them to something else, such as a psychological condition. This tends to happen to women and those of color. In my opinion, I can totally understand why it happens in this space, because there are so many unknowns when it comes to hormones and fertility. What's makes even more sense, is that research and funding tend to be male dominant, so physicians really have no foundation to pull from to properly diagnose.

Why Does it Happen? ~ "No, no. There's Nothing Wrong"

I mentioned how there really is a knowledge gap, as well as research or statistics on women, but I fear the biggest reason for dismissal is the lack of training in conventional medicine. I believe that if doctors were taught to be more integrative, and even included eastern medicinal practices; they would not only be able to diagnose properly at a higher rate, but would in turn see lower statistics of PCOS, endometriosis, and unexplained infertility.

Instead, we get,

"There's nothing wrong with you."

"Come back in a few months, we will run more tests."

"Everything came back normal"

"It's just unexplained infertility"

"That's hormones for you"

To spell out a few...

What You CAN do ~ Acknowledge and Thank

While it might seem like the roles should be reversed, you should acknowledge that you have heard, understood, and respect the opinion you have be given. However, you should respectively disagree and request additional testing. If those are refuted, then it's time to respectively request a second opinion, which is totally within your right, and be confident in doing so.

I cannot stress enough that it is your body, you know it best, and if something doesn't sound right, or feel right --it most likely is not. Be your own advocate. Like I mentioned above, physicians are not super humans, they are not the be-all-end-all. They are in practice, and obviously know more than us, but they don't know everything about YOU!

Finally, a few additional tips that you can takeaway.

• Take a family member or friend with you to your appointments.

• Find a doctor you connect with & trust

• Write questions and symptoms down as well their responses

I've Been Dismissed: Now I don't Feel Confident

I get it. If you have been told there is nothing wrong with you, or THIS is a RESULT of THAT, of course you are going to feel insecure about what you are experiencing or feeling. That's completely normal. But that doesn't make it right. And this is a huge part of why I decided to begin teaching women how to advocate for themselves, navigate the stormy waters of infertility and hormones & feel confident in doing so. In the end I want you to know you're going to achieve optimal results.

You may feel like you are just beginning your journey and don't know where to start, or you may have been in this for years, but feel like you have exhausted all efforts. I've been where you are at some point in my 4-year journey, and I can teach you 3 things that will impact your results in a BIG way. In my 6-month mentoring program I create an individualized plan to optimize your egg health, maximize your mindset, and clean up your diet to achieve high potency fertility!!

Want to get started NOW ~ Head here to get your guide and info on working with me.

I never want you to feel dismissed again!

Heather XOXO